Introduction to the Alchemy Index

The Alchemy Index

The Alchemy Index is a journey through space and time with artwork influenced by Thrice's four volume EP series released around last year. Covering all of the 24 songs on the album, we take an exploration through Fire, Water, Air, and Earth. I have combined my interpretations visually and mentally using simply paper and colored pencils. Each week, I will be posting a new picture every other day (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), and below each drawing will be lyrics and the song from Thrice's Alchemy Index.

Vol I: Fire

1. "Firebreather" 11/3
2. "The Messenger" 11/5
3. "Backdraft" 11/7
4. "The Arsonist" 11/10
5. "Burn the Fleet" 11/12
6. "The Flame Deluge" 11/14

Vol II: Water

1. "Digital Sea" 11/17
2. "Open Water" 11/19
3. "Lost Continent" 11/21
4. "Night Diving " 11/24
5. "The Whaler" 11/26
6. "Kings Upon the Main" 11/28

Vol III: Air

1. "Broken Lungs" 12/1
2. "The Sky Is Falling" 12/3
3. "A Song for Milly Michaelson" 12/5
4. "Daedalus" 12/8
5. "As the Crow Flies" 12/10
6. "Silver Wings" 12/12

Vol IV: Earth

1. "Moving Mountains" 12/15
2. "Digging My Own Grave" 12/17
3. "The Earth Isn't Humming" 12/19
4. "The Lion and the Wolf" 12/22
5. "Come All You Weary" 12/24
6. "Child of Dust" 12/26

I hope you enjoy this series as much as I have, live long and prosper.

- Jon-o Gazdecki

Halloween: A Season of Pokemon Master and Robots

Robots and Pokemon Masters

Robot-o-Tron (2004)

Pokemon Master (2003)

As this upcoming Halloween holiday approaches, I have came to one conclusion... over the last few years I have been alternating between a robot and Pokemon Master. Weird eh?

2003: Pokemon Master

2004: Robot-o-tron

2005: Pokemon Breeder

2006: Homeless Robot

2007: Washed up Pokemon Trainer

2008: Math-Core Robot

My mysterious friend (left) from Las Vegas

Retro Jon-o : DWDP Episodes 21 - 23

Retro Jon-o

Down With Dirty Pizza (2003)
Celebrating 5 years of clean pizza!

Episode XXI: Saving Ryan's Pizza

Bang, boom, doom! Yes that is me on the front line saving the lives of others as me and my rag tag team deliver the pizza to Private Ryan. There I went back into time in the Delorean (my dad designed the real model). Thanks to Doc Brown it was really easy to get back in time. So here's the story when I went to WWII... It was a most dangerous attempt because we had to get Ryan's pizza before it became dirty, and we surely don't want that to happen, do we? Well this how it all went down, unit after unit of dirty pizza went down after we destroyed them, it was a horrible sight and time was running out, as if it was always running out. As we blasting through the death jungle, the weirdest thing happened. We came across Mr. Ohnstad, I have no clue why or how but he was there eating pizza, but we had no time to stop, Ryan's pizza must be saved! Too bad the Terminator didn't want to do this job, too bad he's an emo, self-centered cry baby, who every time we save the day or almost save the day, he download his emo chip, and away he goes. Crying, crying, and listing to emotional music, such as Cutting Crew and other sad stuff. If you're going to ask, yes we saw Hitler, and we didn't kill him, the dirty pizza did, that's the true story about World War II, the dirty pizza killed Hitler, and during that time Hitler gave birth to Lizzie Mcguire, then Lizzie Mcguire throttled herself into the future... But yeah... Hmm... Well if you're going to ask another question, yes we happened to deliver the pizza to Ryan and he was all happy because the war in Europe was now over and he could go home back to the pizza parlor he worked in, with the all-mighty great Poop! Adios!

Episode XXII: The Scorpion Pizza

I believe today was a hard day at work for many reasons...
1: I got sent farther back into time.
2: Lizzie Mcguire is on a rampage.
3: Pizzas back then were like pitas
4: Why was Mr. Ohnstad there during WWII?
5: I forget...
6: The Great Poop smells when he was a young lad.

Well yes the Delorean did break when I attempted to go back into the future, well kind of, I accidentally put 2003 BC instead of AD and I was too lazy to set it back into hyper tron with the Flux Capacitor... But yeah, I bet you don't know what that is but neither do I. Well I ended up in Egypt where people eat pizzas out of pitas, but oh well, I'm cool with that. When I was telling people DWDP, I met this guy named the Scorpion Pizza. He's this guy who's against dirty pitas (cause pizzas were pita type food back then). He was a guy who loved to go around killing the Dirty Pita Police, and that seems a little bit similar to my job... Well he was known for clean pitas and he also chanted DWDP, which was in the same direction as my slogan goes. I believe this man was the creator of the DWDP back in the day. The guy who I'm with is and always be the real, original, Down With Dirty Pizza master, besides me... Well I'm going to hop back into the Delorean to see if I can make it back home, and if I don't I guess this web page will be at least 4000 years when i get home. Enjoy!
PS: DOWN WITH DIRTY PIZZA!!!

Episode XXIII: Willy Wonka and the Pizza Factory

Yikes! Once again... Once again... The Delorean sent me into the 70's where I portrayed in Ronald Dahl's new movie, Willy Wonka and the Pizza Factory. All I knew is that this movie was educational but it sucked. It was about Charlie and his grandpa getting into dirty pizza and overdosing on it with their friends then all of a sudden they wake up at a Clean Pizza Re-hab center (Pizza Factory). I was the rehab instructor because I pushed around former/current dirty pizza addicts, and trust me, while filming the movie, they were real people... Yuk, who would do something like that? Well Willy Wonka showed the kids and Charlie around the factory, showing off his Umpa Loompas, and his pattened formula, The Everlasting Pizza. Wow what a good invention to have. That sure beats his old crappy Chocolate Factory. But sadly Charlie and his Grandpa actually die in this movie, once again the two drink the bubbly and they floated up once again, but this time I made the roof like a fan that pushes up from the bottom and sucks you up from the top, so they paid the price for drinking the bubbly because that's bad for you, sequels can be destructive, and this time i proved them right. Well I wont give away the ending to this movie, but I have to give you a hint, it has to do something with Mr. Ohnstad and hints on his evolution to Mr. Badstad. Oh wait... This movie is at least 30 years old by now... Hmm.... Oh well back to the future!!!

Cosmia

Cosmia

The light from Orion Nebula's will take an estimated distance of 1,500 light-years to reach Earth.

Micah the Mountain Origins: Chapter VI

Micah the Mountain Origins
Chapter VI

In an attempt to get himself off of substance abuse such as mushrooms and inhalant chemicals, Micah started to do civil work for the country to help out his own people.
"I have a mustache, a hovercraft, and a random hiker on me. I wonder what would be best suitable for me to help out this world?" said Micah as he was floating around thinking what he could do.
Looking into his arms, he notice that there were hundreds of cats meowing at him.
"Hmmm..." said Micah, "I have never noticed all these cats before, I bet they sure miss their home."
Taking each cat one by one home, Micah did his civil duties and he still wondered what else he could do.
The hiker suggested to Micah, "I hear Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin is speaking in this area called Talega located in San Clemente, perhaps we should go give her a visit and maybe she could help out on this quest to saving the world."
"Ok." Micah said.
Flying over to Talega, Micah went at mach speed until he realized that he couldn't slow down at all. If he was going to keep going at this speed than he might actually destroy some houses with all the energy that was coming out of his hovercraft.
"Oh no! We're going to crash!" yelled the hiker.
"Not again!" Micah said.
Yes, it was true, Micah realized that he couldn't slow down the hovercraft in time ending up him accidentally burning Talega to the ground. They couldn't help but scream watching many people explode from the fiery flames.
Micah and the Hiker once again retreated into the wilderness because they were shocked what exactly happened. One morning while the Hiker went on a hike, he couldn't help but notice the cover of the newspaper...

Talega Destroyed by Micah: Declared National Heroes!

"How is it that we accidentally ended Sarah Palin's campaign as vice president and we are declared national heroes?" asked Micah while he was licking his mustache.
"Dunno, who cares really." said the hiker, "But hey, it looks like we are invited to some party over in Moscow."
Micah shook his tree hands and said, "What are we waiting for? Let's go to Moscow!"


Micah and the Hiker floated into Moscow where they landed in the middle of Red Square only to be greeted by thundering applause and cheerful joys.
"Wow Micah!" said the Hiker as he patted Micah's snow cap, "They love us! They really love us!"
"Yes we do Micah!" said Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. "You have done this world a great service and prolonged the human race by at least another 4 years. We didn't need another leader who likes to kill wild animals for fun, that's my job."
Not really understanding what they were referring too, Micah and the Hiker shook their heads and said, "Cool!"
With many Mission Accomplished banners all over Moscow, Micah and the Hiker really felt special that day knowing that they changed the world in somewhat of a good way.

All of the world was filled in joy, except for one man... John Travolta.
At the Scientology HQ in Los Angeles, he walked back and forth in his office looking at the various blockbuster hits he has recently been in the last 10 years.
"This is not right, this is just not right." said John Travolta, "It is I who was created Micah, I should be the one winning the prize of coolest guy on earth, not some stupid floating mountain with a mustache. This all just doesn't make sense to me!"
In his office, John Travolta received a call, it was Tom Cruise.
Tom spoke into the phone, "John, I watched the news. All I need to know is, if everything going according to plan?"
John Travolta said, "Yes Tom, everything is going the way it should be."
"Is she ready?" said Tom Cruise.
Not responding, John Travolta hung up the phone and left the room, walking down the hallway, he glanced into the laboratory where there was this skyscraper looking object with the words S.A.L.L.Y on it.
"Soon Micah." said John Travolta, "I know your weakness...."

After a long day, Micah and the Hiker float off into the sunset to once again start a new adventure.

The End...?

Eighteen seconds before sunrise

Eighteen Seconds Before Sunrise

I was strolling down the pier the other morning walking towards the end with dawn slowly approaching. The topic that we were talking about was on how our faith in God was and for some reason I began to breakdown in sadness. Looking over the railing into the ocean, I turned and said to my friend, "I don't know why but I have been the farthest from God I have ever been in my life. 22 years old now and it seems that for the longest time my prayers have never been answered, again I go unnoticed it seems."
Going into deeper detail by exactly what I meant which I won't disclose, he responded, "You have to look closer at the situation, God has answered your prayers all this time but in calling, you have failed to respond to them. Remember this always: You are given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. Which means, God will put events in your life and how you act on them will change the course of the future. It is not because God isn't answering your prayers, you aren't just acting on them."
Cracking my hand, the sun came over the horizon in the distance and the first rays of light began to shine on us and a I nodded my head. On the way home, I had a montage of thoughts flowing through my head like if it was some AMV on youtube. The person was right, things started to seem a lot clearer to me, and even though I have built walls around making them harder to tear down, I said to myself, "All these years, all these memories, there was you. You pull me through time. Because, for every shadow, no matter how deep is threatened by morning light."
Once again I wake up and realize that it was all a dream. The montage hit into my head once again, and it finally all made sense.

Liquidation

Liquidation

Bagging groceries for hours can seem like a grueling task! Just imagine bagging groceries for six hours straight, how insane is that! Oh dear... Item after item, I just couldn't keep up, I couldn't take it, it was driving me insane in the membrane, so I had no choice but to go over and shop at Ralphs. This was no ordinary Ralphs, it was a unique Ralphs. Everyone that I knew who that I never really knew their name but was their friend worked there and they didn't wear name tags so it was the hardest thing for me to see who they really are. Things finally picked up as over the intercom they started to play POLYSICS, so the entire store became an FSU fest as we were dancing really insanely to the finest of J-POP.

After shopping, I went over to my friend's house who just recently moved into an apartment and I was helping her unpack her things and organize everything. As she was cleaning her Mouse Trap board, she looked up at me and said, "Hey put on some tunes!" As happy as I was, I put on one of my favorite songs which was only on one disc. "If you want to come on down, with your bones so white..." With the song playing, everything seem so perfect for me knowing that after a long day of work my friends were cheering me up as always. I stared out the window and I watched the freight trains pound, into the wild, wild night... very romantic. Until... she opened the CD player and tossed it out the window and said, "This music is SH*T Jon-o! How could you put on such ruckus in my house! And if you want to come on down? Sounds like bullsh*t to me. How would it feel if I gnaw on your bone, good wouldn't it?" Not knowing what to do, I got excited, again, because she had Justified, so I put it on only to find it wasn't Justin Timberlake... "Yeah! Justing Rimbermake, this music is so good!" Letting out a big sigh, I left the house to go to my next destination.

I ran into members of my family on the street as I was running in fright from what just happened at my friend's apartment. Being told that we were going to Pick Up Stix, I became content to eat with people from church, I felt a little bit relieved. Looking over, I saw P.F. Changs next to me and I quoted Towelie, "How spicy would you like your Chang sauce?" My brother just looked over at me and said, "What are you saying? How dare you say something like that, so inappropriate." We finally made it to Pick Up Stix after walking through various alleyways and I saw a bunch of families group together and our group was so big that they had to move us to the parking lot, which really wasn't that fun because the ground really smelt like asphalt. Over our heads, there were various helicopters looking for something and it was really distracting me because they kept flying lower and lower knocking over our food, but no one seem to care. I couldn't help but think they were suspicious of me because I had a box cutter in my pocket. Being safe, I took it out and hid it in a large pile of sand which (hehehe) was conveniently next to me. Instantly, a spotlight shined on me, oh dear, it was the box cutter!

"With your hands up, please put your hands on the chopper and don't move!" said the helicopter pilot who was at least 50 feet in the sky. Not understanding what was going on, the kind man shot his gun at me and it bounced off of my chest. Looking up, I said it what it seem to be, Portuguese, "You won't like it when I am hungry." The pilot looked over at his co-pilot and they both nodded at each other. In a heartbeat, things started to look like a Micheal Bay film as I started to turn green and everything began to explode. I clapped my hands, said yeah, and jumped really high into the sky as I appeared to be fifty feet taller. The world seem like a seamless dream of lead as I could see everything for miles. There were carnivals everywhere around me and they all seem to be falling apart as if it was supposed to be my fault destroying everything and I said, "Hey that's not my fault!" Clapping my hands again, I flew over the buildings and attempted to escape the men trying to feed me McDonalds in the helicopter. It was a glorious sight as I could see parts of Europe in the distance and futuristic towns but there was an invisible wall blocking me.

Jumping for what seem to be only about 30 seconds, I saw a girl down below on the ground, "Hey, come hide in here!" Instantly, I became normal Jon-o again and I followed her inside this building which looked like a fishing dock you would find in Maine (a beautiful state). "Over here!" she said as I followed her in the building, "Hide in here, this is the expansion pack area." Expansion pack? That didn't make sense to me, opening the door, I went inside only to find another whole which I really didn't notice that would fit when I was outside. Everything seem to be empty and I went around and notice that it still really seem like this would work. I went behind the opposite side of the house that I left into this new world and looked down this valley to see a statue. Climbing down to see what it was I notice that it was the Prince and his Katamari. Behind me came the girl who helped me escape, "We lost a lot of good men that day, including the Prince." I nod my head and looked over at her, "Where are we?" She looked up and said, "The real world, the Prince destroyed it, so we had to build a new one." "I must go." I said, and I did.

Leaving the real world, I went back to the Ralphs which I originally was shopping at. For Reasons Unknown was playing this time, and I thought, wow what a day. Right in the parking lot, a co-worker came up to me smiling and said, "Hey buddy how is it going?" I looked over at the co-worker, "It's been a long day." What surprised me was that he was texting a friend of mine and I said, "Who are you messaging there?" A synth started to play from his car as the song changed from the CD player, "Don't worry about it." I looked at the phone what my co-worker was writing and it said... Liquidation.

Retro Jon-o : DWDP Pizza-mon the movie: Episodes XVII - XX

Retro Jon-o

Down With Dirty Pizza (2003)
PIZZA-MON THE MOVIE

Celebrating 5 years of clean pizza!

Episode XVII: Pizza-mon the Movie
Part I: Choices

After a long adventure into the Matrix, I decided to take a week long break in the land of Kanto (one of the pokemon regions). Veridian city is a very cool place to hang out because it has a really huge gym where Sebrina is at and such. So that's when I decided, I should tour more of the city. The airport is so cool because they have this airliner called "The Hoot-Hoot Express, and it's very cool. Since i was eating too much pizza at the "Poke-Pizza Buffet." I got kicked out, that's when my troubles became... When I picked up the Pizza-mon book at Barnes and Bobbles I couldn't stop reading it. I was reading the adventures of Team Rocket and their many attempts to steal a Pikachu from this boy named Ash from Pallet town, and their two former gym leader friends, Misty and Brock. Then all of a sudden i wasn't paying attention then I ran into the actual bunch... It was so surprising to me because i thought they were only non-existant but i guess they aren't... Hmmm... Oh well. Back to the story... So i was hanging out and talking to them because Brock lost his Geotron and he couldn't find it because he is unable to see through is oddly shaped eyes, but before Brock could open them... Team rocket camed along and stole the Geotron straight from Brock. We tried to convince Team Rocket, and we almost did until Ash had to interfere... Ash told Team Rocket to die, and i thought he ment from my book, he through it off from the pier and it landed into the water. I was really sad at the time but Pika-tron convinced us to get some pizza, but it didn't work because Pika-tron can't speak. Then when they were arguing some more, I couldn't help my self from talking to Mewoth because he can actually talk! Cool... Well before I could make my way back Ash's pika-tron shocked Team Rocket, including me because i happened to be at the right place at the wrong time... So then it was insane, I got "Blasted off" with team rocket, and we flew and flew until we fell into a field with the rain still falling leaving me with a really big scar on my elbow. I wonder what team rocket has to say about this...

Episode XVIII: Pizza-mon the Movie
Part II: The Birth of UWDP

After awaking from my 15 minute coma from falling from the sky due to Pika-tron's 100,000 volt thunder shock, I had a really bad poke-headache. Looking for 10 minutes I resembled the Team Rocket together. I found Jessie in a Miltank Stable, James in a Sandshrew hole, and mewoth in a box of sharp objects including this cool Charmander pez-dispenser that I'm happing to be holding. But sadly, I was unaware that what was about to happen... Well first of all we started to head back to town all torn up and tired. All James talks about is capturing Pika-tron, and all Jessie talks about is dismantling the 'Twerp's' limbs and body parts... Yuk... When it was time to feed their pokemon, it was a odd experience, Jessie took out her Arbutt and Likatung, and she fed them dirty pizza... That's when I decided i should be undercover on this mission... So we finally reached a pizza parlor and that's when they said, "Prepare for Pizza, and make it double..." So I had to step into this madness and say, "Hope it's not dirty." Then Team Rocket flinched and and ran off yelling the words UWDP... I supposed that means Up With Dirty Pizza but those words were very shocking to my ears and I myself flinched as well. The first thing I did was call the new Pizza H.Q. and warn them of the new threat. Then the second thing I did was to go look for Ash and his rag-tag team of friends ASAP!!! Wow it's sure rainy...

Episode XVIII: Pizza-mon the Movie
Part III: Pikatron captured!

Puff... Puff... Wow I'm tired, I had to run at least 10,000 miles to get here to tell ash that trouble is on the way, and that's when Team Rocket appeared. They had loads and loads of dirty pizza, Yikes! Well then Misty busted out her Psyduck to even up the match, I mean screw up the match. All Psyduck does is tip's his head and says "Psy?" Oh well then Brock got out his Vulpix and Ash got his squirtle and battled Team Rocket's evil pokemon! Kung foo kicks and water guns, and electric shocks, right now this battle was the place to be. In the background Misty kept chanting DWDP and she ate pizza also at the same time. Yikes, again. That's pretty hard to do, eat with food in your mouth and chant DWDP, i should try that some time... or not... Well, oh yeah! Back to the battle... This is where things got wrong. A big mewoth doll used "confusion" and got a hold a pika-tron and grabbed him and took him away. Before Pika-tron could enter the battle, it was already being kidnapped! Eh... This isn't good at all for the pokemon everywhere, without pika-tron we didn't have a chance. Ash tried his hardest to get him back but before you could say pretzel, the balloon and the doll magically dissapear... Since is emo like terminator, he cried him self all the way back to the hotel and he peed his pants so hard, he created his own lake and he had to have the mayor of the city to come down and declare it as a State Lake because it exceeded 20,000 gallons of water, or pee that is. Well tomorrow we are going to go out and get Pika-tron, even if it takes everything we got, including our pizza. Just Kidding! Team Rocket is going down!!!

Episode XX: Pizza-mon the Movie
Part IV: Payback is a Pizza

Wow what a night! First zapped by pika-tron, conformation with Team Rocket and the birth of UWDP, then Pika-tron is then kidnapped! Glad i got some sleep or I'd have to have a Hypno do it for me. Ash did not sleep all night, he created his plan and he did it well. His plan is to find team rocket and get pika-tron back, wow what a plan! That must of took him years to come up with! Yikes! Well we headed out of the hotel and went to the pokecenter where we tracked down pika-tron with the dirty pizza radar, because Team Rocket eats lots and lots of it... eh... Well the highest censors were coming from the dock, where we first encountered Team Rocket. Ash and I, including Misty and Brock, ran as fast as we could and we got there just in time before they morphed pika-tron into Rice Aroni, the San Fransisco Treat. There were many pika-trons there and Ash quickly found his and the battle once again up rised. That's when I decided to get a pika-tron for myself. Then the league is set and the game is on! I threatened the team by saying that my pika-tron will turn you into Apple Jacks and other such... But wait, Apple Jacks don't taste like apples... What's going on here... Why did no one inform me on this discovery... Oh well back to the battle. Jessie's Arbutt was very powerful but couldn't master the art of Ash's Pika-tron. Then Misty had to interrupt and sent out her Starpoo, "Hya!" Well at least starpoo talks cool! Well me and James were battling on top of an oil rig and he had his Weezing that sounded like 40 year old smoker, well that's why you shouldn't smoke... Well I wasn't the best pokemon trainer, so he got away because with his sludge attack, I had no chance against him... Then Team Rocket got away in their new Dirty Pizza balloon, but i assure you, this is not the last time we're going to see team rocket...

Thanks for time traveling with me today, see you all next week!

Micah the Mountain Origins: Chapter V

Micah the Mountain Origins
Chapter V

There, deep inside the Utah forest, our hero, Micah, the mustached mountain, laid restless and defeated as he began to indulge in toxic mushrooms in hopes to get rid of his depression knowing that the entire world at the time hated him. High out of his mind, Micah lost the strength from his mustache to keep himself standing but turned into a blob of worthless sand as he mumbled, "Only my mustache can save this world and I cannot save myself. At least there are many pretty colours everywhere here."

"What are you doing Micah!" yelled the hiker as he was floating on Micah's hovercraft, "You cannot just sit around getting high all time time, don't you see the sun, don't you see how high he is in the sky?"
"Yeah so?" said Micah as he coughed out a mushroom, "The sun is 'chill' he provides me heat grow mushrooms."
"You don't get the point, so what if you are indulging in mushrooms, that doesn't mean you should give up."
The conversation went back and forth for a good thirty minutes until the hiker gave up and ran out of options, except for one...

The hiker began burning down the forest in complete happiness knowing that Micah would have to be forced to escape because he himself did not want to turn into molten lava.

"I don't want to turn into molten lava." said Micah as his mushrooms began to burn off his peak giving him the rationality to think clearly.
Watching the forest burn down, the hiker had a sense of joy to him as he kept on laughing knowing that Micah's binging on shrooms were soon going to end.

The forest rangers came and only saw a mustache in the distance and didn't know what or how to react to the fires, to the forest rangers ran into the fire only to burn themselves alive.

Micah used the glory of tectonic plates and moved over to the hovercraft where he climbed aboard and the two floated off into the distance.

Reflecting on his own life, Micah began to realize that there were so many great things in life. Thinking on how he was created and the life he has lived, Micah started to think about blessings in his life such as his golden mustache, the random hiker, and John Travolta's movies.

"You see Micah, you don't have to indulge on shrooms to enjoy life, you see that there are so many great things out there." said the Hiker.

Licking his Mustache, Micah looked up at the hiker with a smile and began naming off some of the great things in life that he really appreciates. "Yeah, you're absolutely right about everything! China, robots, communism, homeless people, and globalization, there are so many beautiful things we take advantage of until we truly realize that they are gone. From this moment on, I will dedicate my mustache to saving the world!"

"Saving the world?" said the hiker.
"Aye, my friend, saving the world!" said micah
Not questioning what he just said, the hiker just assumed Micah was high again and they rode off into the distance wondering what was exactly going on between each other.

Check back next week for Chapter VI for the final episode!

The Weeping Weenis feat. Naomi PaskoWattz: Anyone Else but Aircanoes

Anyone Else but Aircanoes

The Weeping Weenis is returning for a all new song featured on the Aircanoe soundtrack featuring special guest Naomi PaskoWattz. Sing along to the video below and it will all make sense! Enjoy.

The Weeping Weenis feat. Naomi PaskoWattz
Anyone Else but Aircanoes

You're a part time aircanoe and a full time friend
The air coming out your back is the latest trend
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

Here blows the air and off is the steeple
We sure are dying for two suffocating people
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

This aircanoe works off of minimum wage
I live in the future, and you look like Ellen Page
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

I really don't get this Aircanoe's spiel
I'm in love with how you eat veal
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

I blow air on your brain in this aircanic vein
I blow air on you all starry eyed, as I'm ripped apart from side to side
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

The planet forgive me, the oxygen forgive me
So why can't, Aircanoes forgive me?
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
I don't why anybody can breathe, as this planet melts
But you

Zeitgeist: Volume IV

Zeitgeist

Volume IV

The spirit of the time; the general intellectual

and moral state or temper characteristic of any period of time.

After beginning my quest into creative arts back in February, I would like to introduce to you some of the drawings from my book that I made titled Zeitgeist which I was in spirit at the time to draw using crayons and expressing my feelings & ideas. Below are a couple of drawings with the meaning and commentary beneath them. I hope you enjoy my artwork!- Jon-o

16) The Future of Moscow

The Future of Moscow, this picture I drew after reflecting my time back in Moscow and tried to make up some architecture which I thought would best represent Russia and behold, I came up with this. There are really only two buildings with an actual influence to me, the one on the farthest left is a building found in Sim City 2000 when you start to make eco-buildings when you reach the distant future and the gray one hidden in the back is the one found in Blade Runner. I love buildings, cannot deny it!

17) Europa I

Europa I, the sixth moon of Jupiter, is something that has always fascinated me because one day looking through a book of space I noticed this planetoid and really realized that it was truly a piece of art as if God really did spend his time brushing his paint brush across the surface of Europa. Out of anywhere in the solar system right now, Europa is a top contender for containing life.

Here is a picture that I copied off from the surface, enjoy ;-)

18) Europa II

Europa II is the concept from Europa, here is the image that I copied from the satellite images.

19) Surf of the Future

Surf of the Future comes from an idea that one point in human history we will soon become more machine than man, kind of like the Borg in Star Trek. As you see here, it is clear this man has way too many cybernetic attachments which has improve his surf. I am not the biggest surf fan being H2No and all but this is kind of a dedication to those who do surf because one of my friends come from a legendary surf family, my friend has done ministry work through surfing, and I live in a city founded on surfing. So cheers to you all surfers out there! Behind on the boat is my secret language that only I can read. Rad eh?

20) Sociology

Sociology is defined as the study and classification of human societies but here I went away from the normal thinking what is it going to be called when we meet another race of alien, Socioxenology?

21) Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentine's Day is a pretty simple explanation, but actually very deep I guess you can see. Usually Valentine's Day are tough times, but for some reason during this year I became really excited because Valentine's Day for me this year meant traveling up to San Francisco with my friends which ended up to be a very lovely and fun trip involving epic proportions. It was really nice to go with one of my best friends twice in a month to my favorite city, but this time it was around five days of all four of us eating at restaurants, taking the bus, and having a fun time. This was the last drawing in my series using crayons and the last one symbolizes love because that is what I have for my friends and family because they mean everything for me.

These are the drawings in my Zeitgeist series, I hope you enjoyed them!

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strength and Weaknesses

One fine evening a few days ago in a dream of mine, my friend and I were strolling through the beautiful city of San Francisco talking about life and everyday enjoyments under the moonlit sky when we started to bring up the conversation of strengths and weaknesses of each other. Looking down at the shiny asphalt from the mixture of water and the lights of the city I began to ponder the question. After my response to her, this is what she said to me.

"Jon-o, your greatest strength is that you are a guy who can get along and connect with any type of person. You are apart of every group but a representative of none, it is like you have no true identity but a wonderer in this society, that I see is your greatest weakness."

There is some truth in that statement and there are some missing, it is hard to understand what seems real and what seems imaginary at points in our lives. I am always willing to improve myself, and if you see something I could work on, we are in this together. In my dreams there have been a couple of symbols that have been reoccuring and after I asked her what I said I should do, she told me, "It is time to move onto the next chapter of your life."
Looking at her smile fade away off into the foggy night, I came to realize that I was sitting in my bed starring at the ceiling and I said to myself, "I am ready."


Ire Works

Retro Jon-o : DWDP - What is Dirty Pizza ? ? ?

Retro Jon-o

Down With Dirty Pizza (2003)

Celebrating 5 years of clean pizza!


What is Dirty Pizza ? ? ?

Dirty pizza is when you get pizza dirty as in stomping it into the ground with anger when you are upset, do it for pleasure, or you are an elite member of UWDP (Up With Dirty Pizza). Dirty pizza is used to destroy people's lives, (like mine) and others... The leader of the UWDP movement was founded by a man named Lizzie Mcguire about a year ago.
How to avoid dirty pizza:

1. Make sure it's clean and pure.
2. Bake it until it's clean
3. Don't watch the Disney channel
4. If it's dirty, don't eat it.

Watch out and be prepared because sooner or later someone you know will be effected from the dangerous use of dirty pizza....

The Down With Dirty Pizza Anthem

Saturate yourself with the stench of Dirty,
it seems you're addicted to Bad Pizza.
Inhale the lies of pure pizza
and fame they've got you trapped in food.
Is this what you need?
DWDP?
What you need to eat in?
Pizza into what?
An early grave.
Swallow every dirty pizza that is fed to you.
Watching yourself decay everyday.
Coughing up sauce and cheese, do it again and again.
Eating Dirty pizza, you have no chance to win.
As you've seen this world prey on pizza.
This dirty pizza takes my breath away.
The pizza that I eat - second hand disease.
How can you say it doesn't affect me?

Put the pizza down your throat,
Dirty Pizza Makes you CHOKE! x5

Then on the 6th time...
Put the pizza down your throat,
DOWN WITH DIRTY PIZZA, CHOKE!!

Thanks for time traveling with me, check back next week for DWDP feature film, Pikatron The Movie!

Micah the Mountain Origins: Chapter IV

Micah the Mountain Origins
Chapter IV

Deep inside the Scientology Lavatory located in Los Angeles, John Travolta, using his pay from the movie Hairspray, was developing the latest technology to take down the floating mystical mustached mountain named Micah.

On screen with the Bluetooth Republicans (BTR), BYU, and the Stevia Factory, John Travolta discussed his latest plan. "You see here my friends, we have the technology, all we need now is to apply it. You see... I have this high tech transmitter device that will take down the mustached mountain and we can use his stash hairs to once again reclaim Hollywood!"

The only thing was that John Travolta was lying, he was actually draining BYU's own funds to simply destroy it and reclaim Utah for the name of Scientology. From using his bluetooh, John was able to contact multiple people at once without touching a single button on his phone. Just like a paranoid android, he sat and laughed for the possible outcome.

Watching on the television screen that was bought by Bluetooth, he observed Micah's hovercraft going haywire and causing a handful of technical malfunctions. There was nothing anybody could do at this point but watch Micah float through the city of Salt Lake City.

Floating graciously through Salt Lake city, Micah began to notice that sparks began to accidentally out of his hover craft causing a couple of fires that he did not intend to do.

"Holy frog hairs!" exclaimed Micah with distress, "What is happening to my hovercraft? It is like I just ate a bunch of McDonalds McSkillet McSandwiches, and now my body is seeking revenge on my by wanting to poop it all out in the form of lighting bolts!"

"I think that is not the point." said the hiker, "My scanner detects that this hovercraft is operated by bluetooth technology and it seems like someone activated the malfunctioning button."

"Why is there a malfunctioning button?" asked Micah as he licked his Mustache.

The Hiker climbed down and took a piece of celery that Micah was so effortlessly trying to pick out of his mustache, "Don't ask me, I don't speak Spanish."

Slowly over the city, the two watched in horror, or most likely confusion as Salt Lake City was being destroyed by Micah's malfunctioning hovercraft.


After a couple of hours of pure mayhem and destruction on Micah's part, the Air Force finally came because they actually found out it was somewhat of national security to stop Salt Lake City from being burned down.

Shooting rockets, missiles, and rocket propelled grenades, Micah was staring to become confused why they were shooting at him. Luckily for Micah and the hiker, there was a protective plasmic shield that were protecting the two thanks to the gloriousness of Bluetooth technology.

"I don't understand why they're shooting at us?" asked Micah, "This really makes my mustache tingle, and I don't like the feeling of it.

The hiker tried to throw a McSkillet sandwiches at one of the aircraft fighters and missed, "Do you know what Micah, I think it is because we accidentally destroyed this city called, Salt Lake City. I don't get what the big deal is but they seem to be having one."

Dodging through city streets and buildings, Micah steered his hovercraft with great precision as he managed to avoid destruction. Becoming really sad and confused, Micah only had one choice, to flee to the forest. As much Micah is a mountain of peace and happiness, it began to rain in Salt Lake City that day, not by the water of the sky, but by Micah's own tears.

After a long day of misunderstanding and confusing story lines, the hiker and Micah fled into the wilderness hoping that they would not be found for a very long time...

Oh Dear! What will happen to Micah now since he accidentally destroyed Salt Lake City?

Support the Mustache, save the world.
Check back next week for Chapter V!

Aircanoe: The Poster

Click on it for a larger image and more detail.

Check out our Facebook group, Aircanoe (Spelled Wrong)

Zeitgeist: Volume III

Zeitgeist

Volume III

The spirit of the time; the general intellectual

and moral state or temper characteristic of any period of time.

After beginning my quest into creative arts back in February, I would like to introduce to you some of the drawings from my book that I made titled Zeitgeist which I was in spirit at the time to draw using crayons and expressing my feelings & ideas. Below are a couple of drawings with the meaning and commentary beneath them. I hope you enjoy my artwork!- Jon-o

11) Lain

Lain is a drawing based off one of my favorite anime mini-series, Serial Experiments Lain. I watched this show in a time in my life when I was trying to understand the world around me with taking a Humanities class and beginning to use my creative talent and this show helped me see life from another perspective that we have the choice to act upon freewill and sometimes we have to reset our own life to create a new one. When I drew this I tried to outline one of the pictures of her face but blacken it out with red dots because in the anime series, there are parts when Lain is walking down the street and it shows a mixture between reality and the fake world where it creates a mixture of blots and blobs as seen here. This was fun because it helped me practice drawing an actual human head which I still need practice on but in time it will all be perfected. If you want a good cyberpunk-abstract anime, then go watch Serial Experiments Lain. Review of the show 5/5.

12) Tutelary

Tutelary, which pretty much translates to having the position of guardian or protector of a person, place, or thing. I got this concept of a drawing randomly from concept art found in this book Realm of Tolkien: Images of Middle Earth where it shows the Wraiths standing in the field with swords, cloked and mysterious. Instead of drawing that I got this idea of drawing these spirit looking creatures with a sword, two have fruit, and I honestly forgot what the other two items. And clearly the girl in the window is a beautiful princess who is captive awaiting her prince to slay the spirit gaurdians and win her heart.

13) A Visitor in the Night

A Visitor in the Night is a drawing that is based off a true story of mine where one time I woke up in my room only to see an old lady holding a plate of sandwiches smiling at me. There not knowing what to do at 4:00 AM, I just sat there as she walked over me and vanished into the closet. Thinking she was actually in my closet I waved my hands in there hoping to see if anything was in there, but strangely it was all apart of my imagination. Over various research and studies, I came to the conclusion that my ability to see weird people in the night, such as the one above, is called Hypnagogia which can be viewed here. Basically it is a transitional time between Sleep and reality where sometimes certain images can crossfade into each other creating a sense that you might be seeing a ghost or another out of world object. From what I can recall, this has been something that I have experienced since I was a little kid, so this pretty much explains many questions I have had in the past. Thanks to drawing, parts of my life come together.

14) Aberrant

Aberrant translates to differing from the normal or accepted way, especially in behavior. This drawing was a concept of many things together, one including my favorite artist, Wassily Kandinsky and an album cover from the Mathcore band, The Number Twelve Looks Like You. I do love the style of Russian Cubism and the entropy of things. All throughout my life, I like to wonder away from the normal status and do my own thing, and this is how my brain felt one night and that is how I expressed it using a paper and crayons, controled chaos.

15) Architecture

Architecture is simple as that, I like it. I just randomly drew my favorite things, squares, circles, arrows, and lines to make this random city. The thing actually is significant in this drawing is the sun because I had a dream once where on this distant planet, a small man made sun was used for energy and it had these rings around it kind of like in the movie Contact, just gyrospheres everywhere. Pretty simple and clean, just how things should be.

I hope you enjoyed my drawings and check back next time in the near future for Volume IV!

Retro Jon-o: DWDP Episodes 14-16

Retro Jon-o

Down With Dirty Pizza (2003)

Celebrating 5 years of clean pizza!

Episode XIV: Lord of the Pizzas: The Two Gooberts

Ever since the pizza H.Q. was destroyed, a day has never shocked me as bad as this one did... I was walking home from seeing the Matrix for my 5th time and I saw my good old' Middle Earth friends and what stood out was that they were sad... (What’s with everyone turning emo?) So I headed over and I saw that it was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen before, a pile of dirty pizzas... They were all looking around to see what the cause of this madness was but no one could figure it out! I called up the Great Poop and asked him and he didn't know what to do... Gimili was so sad that he cried himself to sleep while crying some more... Being a pizza detective is the hardest job in the world... eh... Well we couldn't find any survivors... all lost in this tragic destruction! I should pull myself together and go to somewhere else where I can be alone...

Episode XV: P-Men 2: Pizza United

Invasion! Invasion! I was hanging out with Ice Man and Wolverine until the dirty pizza police entered the room! If it wasn't for that girl who ate a dirty pizza and screamed really loud, we wouldn't be here today! I was up at Xavier's house hanging around and using the Celebro, a device that shows all the pizzas in existence all over the world, and busting out my teleporting power. Well after Wolverine's b-day party the dirty police stormed into the house collecting all the P-Men and pizza they could find... The group was down to three people, me, wolverine, and the famous el Chupanebra. To remind you, the el Chupanebra is the female version of the el chupanebre... What a cool guy! Well wolverine cut up the dirty pizza police with the formal weapon, the pizza cutter... I just stood there looking all cool, and the el chupanebra just said "DWDP" so when you come across a P-Man just say, Pizza United goobert!

Episode XVI: Dirty Pizza Reloaded

Yup! Back into the matrix I go! Me and Neo went to hang out for the Oracle today and to eat pizza, a lot of pizza! We called up Niobe and Ghost to come down also and they brought their $5 and we started to eat. Ghost hates sauce on his pizza and Niobe hates cheese on her pizza, the two are a weird couple... We were eating until Dirty Pizza Agent Smith came into the scene. We were ready to battle until he said that he's not an agent anymore but he's just Smith now... Well we were cool with that so we decided to hang out with him for the day. He was cool and all until when he was eating a slice of pizza he threw it down on the ground and started to laugh... Then that's when we figured he's still against pizza! Then Neo and Smith got up and that Lobby Music (from the first matrix) started to play in the background. When I was weeping to the dirty pizza, it turned into another smith, and a bunch more smiths came through the gates of the park and there were many of them! When I thought it couldn't get worse guess who came out of the apartment complex? Mr. Badstad! After he came out he snapped his fingers and about 100+ of them came out! Since Mr. Badstad evolved from Mr. Ohnstad because he got a motorcycle, he's been badder then ever! Eh... Well since I didn't want to fight that day I started to play with a rock and tossed it up and down! How fun... Well since Neo is a crybaby he just flew off making me be left with Mr. Badstad! I got so scared I peed my pants and me and the Keymaker got the heck out of there as we opened a door to another dimension! I wonder where I’m going? DWDP!

Thank you for traveling with me! See you all next time....

The Wrath of Solicitors

The Wrath of Solicitors ! ! !

Featured in the October 1st, 2008 issue of the Saddleback Lariat Newspaper

Saddleback Community College, a place of prosperity where adults from all over southern Orange County gather to higher their education and goals in life to achieve a higher status in society, but, in this day and age it has been on the downward spiral of devolution. The reasons for this devolution are these rare breed of creatures called solicitors which have been slowly multiplying by the numbers over the years. Solicitors are roaming our campus, like a pack of wild zombies wishing to chew our brains away with useless information and pyramid schemes. These people only want to take what is most valuable to you and sell it to the highest bidder, your soul. Just because they say that school is the safest place that you can be, it is actually isn’t.

On any ordinary day in the abnormally sunny city of Mission Viejo, you could be walking down the path going to your next class only to be bombarded by several groups asking you to do the same thing. Being the humans that we are, we feel inclined to give them our sympathy and buy into their demands, but at times it isn’t the best decision. Here is a perfect example of a conversation between a solicitor and you, the innocent miniature college student.

“Hello sir, how are you doing today?” said the large man in a size small shirt, “Would you be interested in signing up for a free 14 day membership at Hard Bodies Gym?”

Looking down at your own physique, you notice that you are approximately 1/5^th his body size. If he wanted to, he could crush you with his bald shiny head and mustache. Not knowing if this man is serious or not, you reply, “Sure.”

Fourteen days later, you noticed that you are completely broke and financially insecure because you have just given away your credit card information, driver’s license, and social security card. You have basically became erased, there is now a forty year old man with a bald head and a mustache wearing your clothes, sitting in on your classes, and going out with your girlfriend. Easily, thinking you can become the biggest, fastest, and coolest kid with a free membership really didn’t work out in the end.

Sadly, at the alarming rate the human population is reproducing, we are only going to see the best of solicitors in the upcoming years. Just like if they were Orcs breeded in the heart of Mordor, their armor will only become thicker, and their words will only become more convincing. Ranging from Hard Bodies Gym memberships, Latter Day Saints, McDonalds Exercise Program, Real Estate Agents, Blue Tooth Republicans (BTR), Team Rocket, and scary post-apocalyptic Icelandic zombie proliferators, we need to simply be ready and hold fast hope with standing firm in our beliefs that people who solicit and fight the good fight. If we give up and lose the fight, we will soon be assimilated like the Borg. Like Captain Picard said once, “Resistance is futile.” Well guess what, you were wrong Picard… you were wrong…